Bro Culture and Ashrams to Men's Circles in Part 1 ft. Jeremy Falk
Episode Notes
Jeremy Falk is an experiential facilitator that embodies 16 years of training in movement sciences, meditation, and positive psychology. He began his foundational yoga and meditation studies while living in an ashram in India and completed advanced training with world-renowned teachers Jason Crandell, Stephanie Snyder, and Janet Stone. His meditation channel is one of the most popular on Audible and he’s been recognized as an Ambassador for Lululemon, Fitbit, Yoga Journal, and as the Head of Yoga for Tempo Interactive Fitness. He loves inviting people into deeper and more authentic connections through international yoga retreats, wellness workshops, and Men's circles.
Jeremy Falk's Website
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Transcript
Holly Shannon 0:00
Coffee Culture is brewed for connection under the guise of coffee. We've been meeting in cafes for centuries. Today is no different. Coffee Culture, the podcast explores the meetup. If you are a coffee enthusiast, maybe seeking Modern Love on a coffee date, we'll want some health hacks. We'll dig into that too. I'm Holly Shannon. Come wrap your hands around a hot cup of connection with me on coffee culture.
Well, hello coffee culture. I won the lottery. I got Jeremy Falk here with me today. And if you recall in a previous episode, I had found him accidentally looking for a meditation on Amazon, Audible, and found one called conveniently coffee lovers. And I'm a huge coffee lover as we know and that's what season five is for this show is talking a little bit about the brew but more importantly about connection in the meetup. But wanted so badly to have him on the show. I might have kind of stalked him a little bit to get him here and he's here. So I'd like to start with introducing him. Hello, Jeremy.
Jeremy Falk 1:14
Hey, Holly. So nice to be here. Thank you. And a quick note
Holly Shannon 1:17
to my coffee culture family. We'll get to spend our time with Jeremy twice this week, so you can look forward to our continuing conversation. Jeremy Falk is an experiential facilitator that embodies 16 years of training in movement sciences, meditation, and positive psychology. He began his foundational yoga and meditation studies while living in an ashram in India, and completed advanced training with world renowned teachers, Jason Crandall, Stephanie Snyder, and Janet stone. His meditation channel is one of the most popular on Audible. And he's been recognized as an ambassador for Lululemon Fitbit Yoga Journal. And as the head of yoga for tempo interactive fitness. He loves inviting people into deeper and more authentic connections through international yoga retreats, wellness workshops, and men's circles. So hello, Jeremy.
Jeremy Falk 2:19
Yeah, hello, Holly, this is having me, this is really amazing. I have so many questions. And so I think I'm gonna start with,
Holly Shannon 2:30
maybe I'm going to start backwards? Do you try to create authentic connections and create an atmosphere in your immersive retreats? And I do something similar. So I would love to talk about that, like what brought you at the height of your career to start building out retreats and specifically for men?
Jeremy Falk 2:57
Hmm, well, I've always just loved you know, I'm an extroverted kind of person. And I love gathering with people. And I really, I really just love getting to explore authentic connections, I think, you know, we spend a lot of time on the surface level in the real world. And that's no secret. And we pass people casually on the street, and even those that we work with, and see often you never get really much of a chance to figure out who are these human beings around us. And I think that there's so much growth and understanding that happens when we take time to relate. But it's not easy for everyone, you know, sometimes the little framework is helpful to get people to drop in not everyone has a natural inclination to lean into other humans. But you know, and I'm gonna go deep right here off the bat, I love it. I think the crux of it is, I really, I really believe in this idea that the root of all evil is the illusion of separation. And so this feeling that we are different and separate from other people, is really like what is like the underpinning for what allows people to cause harm to each other, whether it's personal, relational, business, corporate, ecological, you know, so much of destruction comes from, you know, people not really being able to feel what they're hurting because they think it's, you know, something outside of them or they're not connected to it. And, and so that's a huge motivation for me to want to bring people together to help us all just remember and feel the shared and collective humanity that we have. Because I think it's not only supportive to systems that can operate in greater harmony for people and planet, but it's also just fun and interesting. It's kind of the spice of life to get to know people so that's a big and you know, deep philosophical answer, but, you know, as a yoga teacher and wellness, experiential lead Of course, it's a natural thing, why not get people together? You know, travel is another one of my favorite things is it is for a lot of people to explore new places in the world. So yeah, it's a it's an easy way and to combine those things and go explore new places and bring rad people together and have a chance to authentically relate and then drop it. The other part of your question was around men circles. And so I guess backing up about five years ago, I was introduced to a men's workshop, it was actually a three month sort of online circle. And it was the first time that I had been really introduced to something like that my partner, girlfriend at the time, same partner, now wife was like, I think you might like this, I think you might like this dude. And credit and, and, and props to my teachers name is Jen's Hartwell, and he's an incredible relational coach, he works with couples, and he does men's work. And, you know, for anyone not familiar, what is this men's work or this term, it's really an opportunity to help. I think men specifically drop some of the hyper competition that we experience in the world, which feeds back to sort of little bit of the destructive nature that we see when we are trying to just one up people, and we don't realize we're actually connected to them, to drop a little bit of the hyper connectedness and realize that we're actually stronger when we power through people, and, and meet each other at our strengths and sort of rise up together than we are when we just tried to power over people. And this is the paradigm that the planet has been operating in for so long as I need to acquire more power and resource than you and that person is going to try to acquire more power and resource than me and that that data. And so it goes. So men circles can be a lot of things, but I see it as a place for us to drop some of our competitive nature. And also to learn how to feel and shear which is another part of masculinity that has been trained to be closed off. And, you know, some, some guys have never really had the chance to feel safe to even just express their feelings, depending on the environments that they were raised in. So this was transformative to me. And I always had good guy friends. But I also through the first course that I did realize that I really wasn't seeking, like the medicine of male leaders, or just even like healthy masculinity and healthy role models, or other men that we're operating in the world. In a really connected, grounded, authentic place with integrity, we have so many role models, or you know, airco role models, through media TV movies, that is like the macho destructive character that's going to blow up everything in its path to, to win it all. And, and that's the modeling that we have. And we don't also we don't always get a lot of modeling of, you know, a man who can be in his strength, but also can be real authentic with his experience and emotion and be with other people without having to have hyper competitive drive. And so I realized I was missing that. And also didn't, didn't always take the time to go deep with my friends, sure things would come up, we'd be there for each other. But most of the time you get together and it's kind of casual, play full, you go for a weekend getaway, you go to a bar, you go to a movie, whatever it is, you're just kind of hanging out, men circles provided a space to really explore that medicine and to go a little bit deeper. So five years later, I was working with him my teacher Shems and then started to co facilitate some of the online programs and retreats that we were doing, and really just enjoyed sort of being in that space and helping other guys feel comfortable with it, too. So to circle back to the you know, to the original question, that piece was another thing that just was bringing me a lot of joy and helping to increase connectivity on the planet.
Holly Shannon 9:06
That is such an amazing answer. I I didn't expect you to go that deep right away. So I'm pretty happy about it. You know, I have experience so much in terms of like the bro culture on LinkedIn, that hyper competitive atmosphere. I've also seen it a lot with women a lot of Mean Girls and that you know, they're lobbying to get that one spot, you know that one seat at the table and then like, hold down others. And unfortunately, you're right. I think our media society and definitely social media has has pumped that up. And I love that you're finding this is no We're used Word and authentic, to bring everybody together. I know a lot of people use that word. But I think these men's circles and these immersive immersive retreats really allow people to go deep, quickly. And to like, shed some of that macho bro culture. And in the case of women also competitive, I wouldn't call it brutal culture, but it, it definitely has its similarities. I mean, they're, I think women are, are, it's easier for women to open up to each other, I think instinctively women can do that more quickly than men can. So I'm, but I'm really excited to hear that you're having success with that, that you're creating, like a safe container where like, these men can come together and learn how to have these deeper conversations, it must be like, very uplifting for you to see it happen.
Jeremy Falk 10:59
Yeah, that's really a powerful experience. And it's a paradigm shift. And when I got involved in network about five years ago, I hadn't really heard of it before, you know, part of the reason that I got involved in it, too, is even a couple of years before that, what planted the original seed is I was meeting with a female friend talk about some other projects. And she told me about a women's gathering that she was doing. And I was just so interested in it, you know, a women's circle, and wanted to, you know, and it was a place for women to come together and share the things that they're going through and hardships and to open up and relate. And it may feel really instinctive, you know, for women to do this, and it's probably been around a lot longer. You know, the beauty of it is, is that that is a natural inclination that often women can feel the sorrow in is that part of the drive to get together outside the normal structure is because the normal structure has been so disempowering to women, and the world that we live in, right. So it's like this natural rebound, where that causes a need to then circle up together to share so much of what's going on. I mean, there's an inherent need for people to do that. And then there's this extra societal push that has caused that. So it's like a beauty and a sorrow all wrapped up. And I just loved that it was happening. And so I asked my friend, I was like, wow, like, this is so great that you're circling up with your sisters, like, what is, uh, you know, well intentioned, open hearted, conscious man like me, how can I like, support that? How can I, you know, be in service to that. And she said, You don't need to be a part of our circles, you need to get the men together. And you need to get the men together and work on building your house while we work on building our house. And then from that place, then we can come together and have a better village.
Holly Shannon 12:46
Oh, that was very profound of her to sustain it that way. Wow.
Jeremy Falk 12:51
Totally. And so that was what initially planted the seed round and men's work. And then a year or two later, whenever it was, when my partner share this thing, I was like, Okay, I'll check out with this three month online, you know, men circle was about, and I've done several of them since then, and many programs and realize it is important. And in the last five years, it's been quite the movement, there are many teachers, many organizations, men circles, men's groups are flourishing, to a great degree. And I really hold that vision that I hope to see a men's you know, circle or place on every corner for every type of dude. Because, you know, in almost any field, people are going to just be attracted to the teachers that they're attracted to. Not every teacher is going to be able to relate or connect to every person and every student and that's okay, we just need more diversity among teachers so that everyone feels like they have someone that they can relate to and connect to. And so that's that is my vision, ultimately, on the planet.
Holly Shannon 13:52
Well, it sounds like a, something really great to look forward to. I think if you set the bar, you know, and enough men come away feeling that they've elevated their experience on this planet, that they feel more human and more connected. It will grow. It'll grow organically, it'll grow fast, like it fields of mushrooms. It will grow. You know, I think people are really seeking that I see it more I see more men now that are rethinking how they approach life. I think it's become a more open conversation. For people it's not. I think in the past, it would have felt almost emasculating for some men like I can't tell men circle WhatsApp, but I think people are becoming more open to different ways of growing and communicating. I don't know if you've seen that but I personally have seen that Absolutely. Hey, coffee lovers, I have two quick announcements. I am opening a YouTube channel at Holly Shannon. And I'm going to have all of coffee culture on there. So you can capture the little shorts for five minutes here and there. Or you can capture the full length interviews. Also, my book zero to podcast is on Amazon, and it's on my website. And it is the How To Guide to start your podcast really fast and get your voice and ideas on iTunes and Spotify like I did, makes a great holiday gift for you, perhaps a graduation present. Or maybe it's your New Year's resolution. Both links are in the show notes. And now back to our show coffee culture. So, Jeremy, now let's go back in time to see like, what young Jeremy like how this transpired. So your connection started in an ashram? At least that's how I read it. But maybe that's not how it started. So do you want to take us back a little like how you landed in that space? That's a very tough thing to do to go to India to an ashram, that's not like, you wake up. You don't wake up one morning saying that's what you're gonna do. Right?
Jeremy Falk 16:23
My journey into yoga? Okay. That's the question. Yeah. That's like how to
Holly Shannon 16:29
essentially Yeah, I mean, because you did meditation. And then it was also positive psychology. So you ended up at an ashram? So I was wondering what that connection? Was that got you to go
Jeremy Falk 16:41
there? Yeah, totally. Well, I, you know, in college, the psychology was my, you know, my, my bachelor's degree. And that was just because I've always been fascinated, studying people and learning about people. So I spent a lot of time and psychology and sociology and philosophy just interested in people and social dynamics and the way the mind works and the main way that we relate. And, you know, often like some college students, I also just didn't know what I wanted to do like with that anyway, but I was fascinated to study. So it was a natural degree, for me. But I didn't really want to be a research assistant in a lab, I didn't really want to be a clinical psychologist and work with patients one on one, so I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I just wanted to study people. And after college, came home was in a liminal space of like, alright, you know, I got like a quick waiter job at a restaurant in Malibu came from LA, and was just going to kind of figure it out for a few months after college. And then I ended up popping into a gym, in my, in my neighborhood, and I had always kind of thought about being a personal trainer, because I was also a health nut. And I loved working out. And I was always into lifting weights and running, which is a big part of my story, because I had childhood asthma. And a big part of my childhood asthma the doctors told my parents early on was to encourage me into sports, not to shy me away from sports, but encouraged me into sports, to help beat it. So I grew up, you know, playing soccer, I flagged my mom, and she'd throw my inhaler onto the field, and I puff it and throw it back when I was in high school, I joined the cross country team, and I had it tucked in my waistband, and I would hit it and I would keep running.
Holly Shannon 18:20
My son did the same thing, by the way.
Jeremy Falk 18:24
Yeah, totally. So. So that was a big part of it. And, you know, just being physical and into sports was a big part of my life, and then eventually the gym in high school and all that. So I thought about helping people, you know, be on that path and get healthy. So it turns out the one of the managers of the gym was an old high school buddy of mine and said, yeah, get get certified, I'll hire you. So there was. And so I started working as a personal trainer, and did that for like six or seven years in LA. And it was a great combination of getting to be involved in health and fitness and a little bit of that psychology, because you're you're kind of there you are working one on one with people, helping them to overcome their own mental blockages, self esteem, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, or just simply lending a listening ear for 60 minutes while you're moving around the gym. And they're there chatting about whatever there is on their mind and their life. And so there's a there's a lot of that. So it's this great intersection. And you know, I guess piece to backup. So I was in college, I was also working out a lot. So before the personal training piece, it was a college roommate of mine that took me to my first yoga class. And he was telling me he kept invited me to yoga for months. And I was like, No, bro, I'm gonna go to the gym and run. Thank you, and did that for a while and declined the invitation. And then one day, I was like, a little tired for the gym. So I was like, Great, I'll do this yoga. I don't have that much energy. And so I went with him. It was a hot yoga class, and you got your ass whipped. I got my ass whipped. Yeah, that was exactly it. Holly. I was I remember vividly halfway through this class, and then I was musclebound early 20 year old, you know, just sweating profusely dripping bullets and like shaking falling over and dying for a sip of water. And all around me, I saw people of all ages and all body types that were cool and collected and composed in their practice. And I was this buff dude that was shaking and falling over and sweating like crazy. So I was extremely humbled, and it opened the lens for me that there's so much more to wellness, then then I had had thought just being in the gym and working out. So that was a precursor. So from that point, I would do yoga every now and then I was like, Alright, cool, add this to my repertoire. And every now and then I still lifted weights, ran a lot, and then go to yoga once in a while. And you know, after seven years or so of being a personal trainer, I started to realize how much more there was the holistic health, and I would meet people who are into holistic nutrition. And I learned for the first time about the healing power of foods and how, how terrible the standard American diet really is, and, and the stuff that we eat and think is food here. And, and so my mind was really opening. And the last piece that set me off on this journey was that I was working one on one with people of all decades of life. So I was, you know, this was probably between the age of 21 and 27, or eight. And I had clients in their 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s up into their 80s. I even worked at a Jewish home for the aging, and worked with senior citizens in that way to and from every decade of life that was chatting with me all day, one of the constant messages I heard was, go travel the world while you're young and free. Before all the things that tie you down. And I really I heard this a lot from a lot of people and I really took it to heart. So I was like cool. I want to know more about the wellness, I was into Eastern philosophies, trying to step outside the Western mentality and and wanted to go have this wanderlust experience. So I ended up saving up money for a year and a half or something like that to go travel the world for a year. And that was my goal. And I gave up my apartment on Sunset Boulevard and Silver Lake I was living in East LA at the time, my parents were graciously willing to accept me. So I moved in with my folks just to save money and go have a backpacking trip and the adventure of a lifetime. So I did that. And I went traveling for 12, about 12 months. I mean, I like to my last dollar and came home and it just made it. And it was during that time. I was like in Europe for four months. And I spent a lot of time in Asia. And I landed in India. And I knew I was like yeah, maybe I'll study yoga. You know, I wanted to study modalities here and there. Maybe I'll do a teacher training. So I landed in India. It was the most transformative five months of my life. And I ended up doing my 200 hour teacher training in an ashram on the Ganga River in the in the city or the town of Risha cache in the north of the foothills of the Himalayas. And that was it just guided me there, there's, there's so many stories of this can be easily a four hour podcast of how I arrived at that ashram and all the all the things that nudged me on the way but then, you know, suffice to say really that that place the my experience in Russia cash was such that it felt like the veil between the physical and the energetic realms was a lot thinner than it is in most places, meaning stuff that I would think or or want or things that would pop into my head would find these really interesting ways to just like show up on the street or at a cafe. And, and manifest and it just felt like my participation with life. And the ability to bring things from thought into presence was more powerful than it had been in a lot of places. Something was like magical about that place. So stuff like that brought me into that ashram and it dipped 200 hour. And that was the first time we were doing yoga every day for 30 days. And I was waking up at 5am to go to the ashram to do an hour of pranayama breath practice. And then you know, meditation, and then we would move our bodies. And then we'd have philosophy and more meditation and then Asana again. And that was the time, the first time that I really got the full or a more complete picture of yoga, the scope outside, you know, the physical, Western classes that we know. And it was life changing. I remember walking around the town of vicia cache feeling simultaneously the most grounded that I had ever been in my life. And also a little bit like I was levitating and just kind of like floating I was like deeply grounded and also floating and I was like what is going on? And I need to share this with people.
Holly Shannon 24:51
It must have been hard to leave. I was it was so powerful.
Jeremy Falk 24:55
Yeah, I had to drag me out of there because my visa was expiring and I didn't shuffle So I think I got out on a bus to Nepal just a few weeks after my visa expired, and luckily, it was okay. Wow.
Holly Shannon 25:07
It, it would be hard maybe to go back. Have you gone back?
Jeremy Falk 25:13
I haven't yet. I would love to this was 10 years ago. And like you said, it's not necessarily an easy place. And I do recommend having a fair amount of time, India is not a place to go visit for a week. Even two weeks is quick. But you know, worth it, if you did, but
Holly Shannon 25:29
do you think you can slide back into that? That magical space that you found there? Do you think maybe you're like, even more evolved now that it might, might be stronger when you got there? Or are you afraid at all that you wouldn't be able to capture that lightning in a bottle again,
Jeremy Falk 25:52
you know, I think if it were me that night, if I will go back when I go back, it will be with no expectations. It will be very open and with no expectations, because either one of those could be but it is, it is a powerful place. And it is like it is like the world under a microscope. Everything is more intense there. The beauty of the world is heightened. And the pain and suffering of the world is heightened. And you will see it all one after the other on any casual walk on the street. And it kind of, especially for somebody that isn't raised there to visit, I think people have kind of two divergent experiences, some people just can't handle the intensity and their head explodes. And other people find this deep, calm center inside themselves, where they can move through the world, seeing both the beauty in the suffering, and still stay connected to a place inside themselves that will allow them to then act and not just freak out. It's not that you're it's not that you're apathetic to what's going on. It's just that you need to be in a grounded place to know how to respond and not losing your shit. So people will have those two kinds of experiences. And I was I was the latter I had this deep calm center that developed inside of me.
Holly Shannon 27:11
It's a lot there. I mean, there I mean, I haven't been but people I know have been there as all the senses are our high end, right? It's, it's, it's it probably requires you to really think about what you want out of a trip like that. I mean, you kind of knew going in. So I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I think it's just your senses are just all heightened. So you have to be prepared for that, right? Because it could like assault the body. So some people maybe have a negative reaction versus a positive one, I don't know.
Jeremy Falk 27:46
Totally. And I wasn't prepared, it was difficult when I first got there, New Delhi is a wild city. It is it is extremely populated. It is a it can be a tough environment. And I traveled a lot of places in the world and New Delhi still hadn't brought an intensity that took me a few days to really adjust to. And then I got away to the Himalayas, in the peaceful quiet mountains, and could then really drop into a new place to
Holly Shannon 28:13
nice, I love this. I'd like to Okay, so we've talked a little bit about your men's circles and kind of how it started. But there was a lot of stuff that was happening in between and I don't know if maybe your work as a brand ambassador or with Amazon with the or audible collection. If that's sort of like in the middle. Maybe you can help me a little bit orient your career there so we can understand where all landed and why.
Jeremy Falk 28:42
Yeah, thanks. Well, so after the world travels, and I did the plate, my last dollar, I was like living in Cambodia on an island. I was just like casually teaching yoga because I just finished the training. And I realized I ran out of money. And I call my best fries. I call my best friend who bought me a flight home. And I came back at 28. Yeah. And at 28. i La then felt like a big messy city to me too. It just felt like a big sprawled out place and I was craving something different. I had a few best friends in San Francisco, that I had visited a handful of times. And I really liked San Francisco. So I thought okay, I'm about to start over at 28 I could do it anywhere. So I drove up to SF with my car packed full of stuff and pretty broke. They were kind and gracious enough to let me crash on their couch for several months and another buddy too. And it took me several months to get on my feet. And then I got on my feet and I was doing personal training and yoga and even Thai massage, which was another thing I studied on my travels in Thailand.
Holly Shannon 29:46
So just as an aside,
Jeremy Falk 29:49
yeah, that was another that was another part of the journey and got to do that because I was trying to study you know, different modalities where I could, so I had this you know, that was my practice. I was this I'm independent wellness entrepreneur. And and then what I loved about San Francisco is that it's, you know, it's a much smaller city, it is very dense. And the networking just seemed to really happen quickly. And connections were made. And you know, I had a friend who said, why don't you go check out Lululemon, they're usually plugged into the yoga scene, if that's something you want to do. So I ended up getting a job for, you know, just under a year working on the floor at Lululemon. And that was, that was amazing. I got, you know, connected to studios and ended up getting my first studio job. And then when things were picking up for me, I, you know, I left the Lululemon job. And I set the goal that I wanted to be an ambassador, and be one of the folks on the walls that I was looking up to, that were like big players and names for fitness and wellness and their city, and started teaching at different studios, started teaching and corporate offices, that was another thing that was happening, which is cool, because the SF is really open to that. And a lot of these companies, especially these tech companies like to, at the time before everyone was working from home, obviously, the movement was to make office life as sweet and cushy as possible. So I picked up a lot of those. And that was, that was a great, you know, part of the part of the business too. So I was teaching at tech companies and studios and all of that. And eventually, it just sort of collapsed into yoga at a massage office for a year. But I didn't really want to stick with that. And I even just started to lose interest in the personal training, I really just became passionate about yoga, and meditation, and in the mindset that comes with that too, because it is ultimately a mindset. And I've been here for 10 years and, you know, just sort of made my way with different connections and established a proficient sort of, I don't know community here, I guess. A huge
Holly Shannon 31:58
thanks to Jeremy Falk. It's no accident that his meditation channel is one of the most popular on Audible. We'll be back on Sunday. So mark your calendars and join our conversation about community and connection. And Jeremy will even lead us through a little coffee meditation that we will get to experience together as a coffee culture family. Would you like to join the party coffee lovers, I have two ways for you. Please go over to YouTube now and subscribe to add Holly Shannon, and there'll be all the videos of this podcast there as well. What's the second way you can do that? You can leave a review with your ideas in Apple podcasts. Either way, I would love it if you share a hot cup of connection in coffee culture with a friend. And if you'd like to support this in the podcaster you can buy me a coffee the link is in the show notes. Thank you coffee lovers
this season is produced by pale blue studios