Man Shopping with Stacie and Coffee Dates
Episode Notes
Stacie is an unabashed 44 year old twice divorced single mother of an amazing 17 year old daughter and a lab mix puppy named Rip. She is a pharmaceutical clinical sales specialist by day and a writer, podcaster, cooking & baking enthusiast by night. She is a true extrovert with a passion for helping people. Born and raised in rural Missouri, Stacie graduated from the University of Central Missouri with a degree in Organizational Communication and Business management. After spending several years living in Minnesota, Kansas, and Georgia, Stacie calls Kansas City, Missouri home.
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Transcript
Holly Shannon 0:06
Hello coffee lovers. So why am I here?
My love of coffee started with my grandparents hiding coffee candies in their pockets. Finding those little rap treasures ingrained that flavor into my memory, along with a sense of love and connection.
Hello coffee lovers. Welcome to Coffee Culture with Holly Shannon. today. My guest is Stacey Weimer. How are you? I'm very good. Thank you. Thank you for having me on the show. I'm excited to have you because I think we met on clubhouse right is this where we originally met. And we spent quite a bit of time chatting in those rooms. Because social audio is a lot of fun and totally but spent too many hours in there. And we went on to connect off of the clubhouse and into a bar. Yes. And you were in DC with your daughter. And we met up at the diplomat for wine and you know cheese the things we love most in life. Oh, totally. It was so lovely. And if I lived near there, I would be that would be like my spot. I think yeah, we go all the time. It's it's such a place to see and be seen and like it is it wins all the awards in DC for everything, even if it's like, I hate to say even if it's mediocre at some of the things it does, it doesn't matter. It just has a vibe. And yeah, so that's where it was so fun to meet in person. You know, I love it when that happens when you get to know someone a little bit online, and then you strike a good enough connection that you want to meet in person. It's an awesome thing. It was so fun. So we have the wine meetup. We are going to talk about the coffee meetup. But I just want to tell everybody a little bit about Stacey. So she's 44 and twice divorced. And she is a single mom of a gorgeous daughter named Laney who is just crushing it at this thing called life. And she is applying to colleges right now. And having been through that with my son, I know exactly where she's at you're, you're at that critical part of ready to launch the child because they're so capable. And at the same time, you're staring down the empty nest and it's like, dammit, I'm not ready for that part yet. So we probably dive into that a little. And by day, she's in sales. But her real heart lies in her creative side where she has a podcast called Manage shopping with Stacey. So I'll put that in the show notes so that you can catch up with her. She's also writing a book, which actually came before the podcast. So we'll probably talk about that a little bit too.
Stacie Wimer 4:32
Thank you for asking. It's actually a little bit of a controversial topic because I feel like people who go on a lot of coffee dates go on a lot of dates in general. Meaning there someone typically who is using dating apps, which I definitely talk about on my podcast, and in my book I I'm a fan of Bumble dating. And so if you're on a dating app and dating frequently and I'm telling
Holly Shannon 3:49
And she loves to cook and bake. And she especially loves coffee, because if you go to her Instagram, you'll see lots of coffee shots with Stacy. And she's a bit of an extrovert like me. So with all of that said, You are Man shopping and writing a book that kind of taps into that. So let's get into that sexiness. And I want to know about the coffee date because you have gone on a lot of dates since launching this. And it is it's your favorite way to to meet people for the first time. And if yes, why? And if it's not let me know.
Stacie Wimer 5:00
On you multiple times a week, a lot of people go on a lot of dates, they are doing a lot of coffee dates, because of the economic factor and time factor, right, you can meet someone and not spend us fortune or a tremendous amount of time. So it makes a lot of sense if you're casually dating or just out in the dating world. And then on the other side of that, I've also talked to people who are really, really ready to settle down. And so they they kind of turn a corner where they it's, it's, it's a weird practice, but kind of getting less specific about the type of person that they want to meet and kind of throwing the checklists away, and just having an open mind. So they're also going on a lot of coffee dates, trying to find their actual partner or soulmate as well, I don't fit into either of these categories. I actually, as much as I love coffee, I reserved that more for my, my daughter and my girlfriends, I have gone on coffee dates, but I am of the camp of quality over quantity. And so I try to vet very, very carefully at this point in my day life, as I've been single and dating for about three years. So when I need someone that I really want to go offline with, I'm hoping more for a dinner date, or a happy hour date, maybe where there is just a little bit more lingering and a little bit more build up a little bit of excitement and a little bit of investment, if that makes sense.
Holly Shannon 6:34
No, it makes perfect sense. So I always assumed and I shouldn't assume this, but for somebody in the dating world, I felt like well, the coffee date is kind of safe, because it doesn't require you to have dinner, you know, it's not, you know, rolling into that. And if you're not really connecting with somebody, sometimes it's a little hard if you're already like sitting at the bar, and the bartender is like, Hey, are you guys staying for dinner, and then it's awkward, or so I'm thinking like, the coffee date is so much more efficient and, and kind of allows you to roll it into happy hour if you feel like it, but it sort of takes that out. But at the same time I I never thought of it as how you're saying we're almost turns out to be like speed dating. There's no quality in it.
Stacie Wimer 7:22
It can be that way. But what you're saying makes complete sense to and I've talked to tons of singles who do go on coffee dates, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they're not taking it seriously or that they're meeting hundreds of people a month or anything. So what you're saying is valid and accurate. And I would not be opposed, you know to meeting someone for our first date over coffee at all, like not at all it just hasn't happened a ton for me. But I have I have gone on coffee dates for sure. But in the
Holly Shannon 7:53
end it's all about connection and it sounds like you really work on heavily vetting people like spending time with them messaging maybe doing FaceTime or that type of thing before you know you invest your time in that happy hour slash possibly dinner or both sounds Yes,
Stacie Wimer 8:16
yes. And I think happy hour to your point is also kind of a a safer date for your first date too. Because like you said, you can be like Oh, I gotta I gotta run off I have you know dinner plans or I have somewhere to be this evening or whatever. Whereas a dinner date is reserved for someone that like you have no doubt that you're you know, you really want to put some time in and it's gonna go pretty well and you can usually tell if you spend enough time talking with someone mm
Holly Shannon 8:43
well happy I know that you do Happy Hour well because we met like you were like the best girlfriend immediately your life wine let's have Rosae show coutry bring on the carbs bring on the cheese I knew we were like kindred spirits Yeah, immediately because you know you just can't do happy hour without all those lovely
Stacie Wimer 9:04
things and let's be real happy hour is dinner like very rarely go home like after dinner and make a meal or like order something like IVR is dinner if you do it right it's enough.
Holly Shannon 9:15
Yeah, it's true. And you know it's interesting because with your work so you're in sales you travel a lot on you probably find yourself on a week day at a bar having your dinner just because it like I know when I travel for business setting up the bars almost a little bit easier because you don't feel like there's eyes on you like if you sit at a table you feel like all sudden you have to have like a book or something and you feel like you need to look like you're doing something which makes you like hyper aware of everybody looking at you even even not being alone. So being at the bar is kind of good. Have you accidentally fallen into some random dates just because you already were at the bar
Stacie Wimer 10:00
You know, it's funny that does happen on occasion, not necessarily like a date, but kind of that vibe of like, oh, like, you never know this could turn into something. It happened pretty recently. I was, I was out of town I was in Omaha, Nebraska, I go to really sexy places. Holly, Omaha, Nebraska. I go too frequently. And, and I was I was at a bar and I had my wine and I had my dinner and I do do a thing. I oftentimes put my, my iPad up for either work stuff, or I've been doing a lot of travel planning for Lainey. And I. And so sometimes I am that geek that sits there and like scrolls, rather than like watching the television or something. And anyway, there was this man next to me and I don't even remember, he had a he was dressed really nicely in a blazer and he had a ball cap on like a New York ball cap. And I was like, I don't remember what happened. But we did start talking. And I was like, I think we're feeling each other out over here. You know, he's not married and blah, blah, blah. But it didn't go anywhere. It was interesting though. I'll tell you he was there in Omaha, Nebraska starting a restaurant. He was a small Yea he was the wine expert for this new restaurant from an out of town chef and like all this is like up my alley of fun conversation and he has a teenage daughter and so we're we're like hitting it off. But then it was kind of like this story that I'm all too familiar with where he is separated, not yet divorced.
Holly Shannon 11:26
Oh, yeah. They
Stacie Wimer 11:28
live in that tiny little. Yeah, they live like, right, like in the same building, but it's been like three year. Or like, done. Like, I've heard this so many times. Like what how do you just not get divorced after three years of separation? You know, and I tell you can talk to me about health insurance and taxes and money and stuff all day long. And I don't buy it. Yeah, sounds married marriage,
Holly Shannon 11:50
hashtag open marriage. Right?
Stacie Wimer 11:52
Egg. zactly Exactly. But that was like a recent connection that I made.
Holly Shannon 11:57
No, I'm sorry, that didn't work out there. You know, um, we were, we were talking about our podcast before. And so being a podcaster. And talking to other podcasters. You know, dividing all our time is really, really hard. So you have your day job, you have we'll call it your night job with the podcast and writing like your creative endeavors. You're trying to get your your girl launched into college, and you're trying to squeeze in dating, like what has fallen to the bottom, like what's not making the cut,
Stacie Wimer 12:35
dating. I had to separate kind of emotionally draining relationships this summer, they back to back and to wonderful men with just, you know, stuff that didn't stuff that didn't work out. But I found myself with each of them over the course of I was only dating each of them for a few weeks time. But we were spending tremendous amounts of times to get time together. And much more than what I'm used to. Because I'm used to spending all of my time alone or how I choose to spend it. So coming off the heels of both of those relationships that didn't work out, I was spent, I was like, Oh my gosh, like I got a laundry to do like I was gone all the time. And so I have not dated really at all, I mean, at all since well, for several months now. And the other thing that has fallen off is writing the book, which is like you said it came before the podcast. But I have found that the podcast demands so much creativity, and it's not that it's that time consuming. It's it is just it's such a creative process. And I really I put a lot of thought into it. So it's something that like, while I'm driving or while I'm you know, doing other tasks, it's always at the forefront of my mind. And then what takes the backseat, unfortunately, is the book that's almost done. I haven't been able to finish it. You know, it makes
Holly Shannon 14:09
sense. Because the thing with podcasts is it's like a living animal. It's out there. It's got an RSS feed. So it lives on Spotify, and Apple and YouTube and wherever else you put your podcast. And so it's a living breathing thing and the work that goes into editing and getting one ready the pre and post production. There's so much at the front end creatively and so much at the back end creatively. And then sharing it with the world. There's, you know, all of the social media and so forth. So it's constantly living and breathing. Whereas Writing a book is a little bit different. And I know this because I wrote a book and I know Yeah, and it's it sort of lives in your notebook or on your computer. And it doesn't require you to post anything on social media about where it's at. And it doesn't require you to upload anything like the latest chapter, or, or anything. So I think that's what makes podcasting hard, is you have to sort of be ready for that. And I'm wondering if, you know, I don't want to play your strategy manager here or anything. But if the book is something that you're really excited about, you might have to just put your show on hiatus, even if it's for season, cuz it sounds like you also feel as though just dating in general isn't fitting at the moment with the amount of travel that you said you're having with your work, getting Leni off to school, like, I feel like all of our creative endeavors have like their their shelf life for and you know, it doesn't mean you can't bring it back. But it sounds I remember, actually, I remember when we met at the diplomat, you were already starting to stress out about the cadence of how many you put out. And it sounds like you're still struggling with that.
Stacie Wimer 16:21
I remember that conversation too. And like I just said, I had my podcast at the beginning and season one was weekly. And then I was recording two bonus episodes per month. And I was so excited and so chatty, that my episodes were frequently over an hour long, which was a lot of time and a lot of work. And as you said, the marketing or social media aspect. And like communication with listeners was at an all time high at the very beginning because it was new to everyone in my life. And because I tell personal stories, a lot of people from high school and different different times in my life, you know, kind of came out of the woodwork. And it was so invigorating that it just fueled me to keep up with it. And it was so exciting. And then obviously at some point, a lot of that dies off. And it did for me like my last. My last real like podcast meetup was at Christmas time. Last year. When I started season two, I feel like I pulled back to two episodes per month, no more bonus episodes. And I did one brunch get together. And that's it that was like this past spring. So I may be due for a season of hiatus, like you said, especially with Laney and I are going to Europe for the very first time over spring break. And then of course, we'll have her graduation and then send off to college all throughout the spring. So if I was going to halt the show for a little while and just spend my creative time on the book, it would be wise to do that like later this winter and spring. And it's definitely under consideration. Because I would like to launch a season where I share a lot of the book, the book is my dating stories. It's like my little black book, or like my little diary of dating. So it's similar to the podcast, but no one's ever heard any of it. So I would like to do a little sneak peak book action using the podcast for that in time. Like that's my long term focus
Holly Shannon 18:26
really add cast brilliantly. Yeah, no, I think it's a great idea. I love letting people live out the book with you were like, you know, you talk a little bit about it. And maybe they get interested in and just buy the whole book because, you know, but of course they want all the stories. You know, as a podcaster, I immediately am going into strategy mode. I want to figure out how to make this work for you. So I'm wondering if so the idea of a hiatus right now, you really got a lot going. I think a lot of people don't realize there's this really great feature on their phone, and your phone has a microphone in it. And it allows you to record and all you need here women I'm gonna like lean forward to grab my stuff here. Uh huh. So that's it. Oh, so for people interested in this, this is something else that I do. So here's the little lightning port that goes into my iPhone and then I can put a little auxilary cord and then lo and behold there's the little lavalier mic knew that you can clip and ladies drive in the car and you have like a little something you want to share. And you can do the record on your phone. Even if it's five minutes. Maybe you do only got five minutes to man shop with Stacey today kind of thing. Like I'm doing that with coffee culture. I'm doing coffee shorts, where I'm going to be sharing with my audience episodes that are like two to 10 minutes, tops. Just talking about like fun things, you know, like friends, opening Central Perk around the country and 2023. And a little bit about that and the coffee they have and stuff like that. Is it talking necessarily about connection? You know, in the meet up and the brew? Yeah, it is kind of, it's sort of the lighter side, right, the light roast of that. And that's so great. And I'm wondering if you couldn't just do a bunch of little ones. And, and, you know, just salt and pepper in once or twice a week, a little five minute episode that requires very little editing. And, you know, this works for everybody. By the way, in marketing, you know, this, this little clip that you do, can be your YouTube short, it can be your Instagram real, it could be your Tik Tok. It could be your Pinterest, you know, wherever it is that you play on social media, if you can double down in how you keep your community up to date on what you're doing, and you find a short form way of doing it. And then you repurpose it, pillow. That's what content is right? That is
Stacie Wimer 21:19
brilliant. That's so smart. Holly, it's very smart. And I appreciate it. It's something I need. It's advice that I need to heat for sure. Because I'm totally capable of doing that. You got to send me the link by the tiny microphone. I have. Check it. Hang on.
Holly Shannon 21:35
Yeah, I'm gonna put that in the show notes for everybody. Yep, perfect. So you have that that goes to the USB, which is good. So this one here, this one goes to the iPhone and then has the auxilary has this little baby in there. I don't know if everybody can see,
Stacie Wimer 21:51
do I need that.
Holly Shannon 21:54
And they have them with two ports. So this is like a why? Like, it goes like that. And you can do two. So you can clip onto yourself and one with a friend if you're like just talking about their day and maybe or you're in the car with Laney and you're like asking her like, what do you think about this guy and like you're just having a conversation that's totally random. You both will be miked the whole time. And you can play. I don't know, I love it. I think that's
Stacie Wimer 22:22
so fun. That's so fun. And you're like, as you're talking, you know, me like my brain is spinning with ideas of little things that I've wondered, like, how do I make that into a whole podcast? Or I do find myself during my podcast saying, Oh, I could I could talk more about just that. But now I'm moving on. Because I have this, you know what I mean outline that I'm trying to work off of. So I definitely could come up with with little short additions.
Holly Shannon 22:47
I'm excited for the shorts for you, for me for anybody, because I feel like we all don't have a lot of time on our hands. And sometimes our attention span minds like the size of a nap these days, like I can't, I can't watch or do anything for lengths of time, like I used to just because I've been trained by social media to consume things fast. So I feel like the shorts are like really easy. Like, if someone's going for a walk that could take a couple of men, they're prepping dinner, they listened for five minutes. And then of course, there's the long ones for for those who really want to have like really want to dive into conversations that we're having, where we're talking about connection and meet up and, and dating and nostalgia and, and you know, all those fun things in life. Hey, coffee lovers, I have two quick announcements. I am opening a YouTube channel at Holly Shannon. And I'm going to have all of coffee culture on there. So you can capture the little shorts for five minutes here and there. Or you can capture the full length interviews. Also, my book zero to podcast is on Amazon and it's on my website. And it is the How To Guide to start your podcast really fast and get your voice and ideas on iTunes and Spotify like I did makes a great holiday gift for you perhaps a graduation present or maybe it's your New Year's resolution. Both links are in the show notes and now back to our show coffee culture.
Stacie Wimer 24:26
I love how what you just spoke about is what what is the listener get out of it and what are they learning and what what are what suits their needs for short for material. But on the flip side, if you're thinking of it as the podcaster and in your own, you know whatever your ambition is for for viewership or listenership or whatever the batching batching things and the ability to do that and then the ability to share on different forms of media. And there's so much to be said for consistency so far as building, building your your listening audience and I, I've always kept to a schedule. And I still do. I'm only releasing two weeks, but it's every other Friday, you can count on it like clockwork, it will happen. And I used to release every single Friday and I am kind of blasted everywhere. Well, it's two weeks now. But you lose a significant amount of downloads and attention. And even on social media, when you're not constantly like teasing, like this week, this week, this week, when it goes to every two weeks, it's less than less than less. So while my podcast is still growing, not at all at the pace that it did at the beginning. I mean, it's crazy how quickly it changes. So to be able to even fill in every other week, you know, so that I do have a weekly podcast, but every other week, it's super short, like, I think it would make the audience happy. Meaning they could listen to those short episodes when it is more convenient. And then save the longer form episodes for you know, when you've got a long drive or whatever. So maybe, yeah,
Holly Shannon 26:01
they're going for a walk, and they want to hear like the whole story. And you know, not just like a little piece of something for sure. Yeah, it's hard. We have to, you know, in the end, we have to focus on the priorities in our life. And you do have a lot going on right now. So I mean, it makes perfect sense. I would love for you to finish that book, though. And that is always that's where your heart was at the beginning. So I feel like the podcast will reemerge once the book launches, because it can be part of your tour. Totally. You know, where you're just turning it on, and you're turning your podcast on and recording part of your book tour. Like, I feel like, it'll almost be a natural thing. But we all want to hear this book. You know, I mean, it's
Stacie Wimer 26:48
very fun sided. You know, it's it's like when people ask me, Well, what is it? Well, it literally is chapter by chapter stories about men that I've dated. And so it's like, laying all the details similar to how I do on the podcast, but it's it is different, you know, and more importantly, it's like, what did I learn? What did I learn from each of those men? What could I have done differently? Why did I choose them? Why did it end all of those things, I think are where the real like meat of it is. But it's it's told from the perspective of a girl next door, regular Midwesterner, I'm not like a fancy like Sex in the City, New York socialite, I'm not an LA type at all. I live in Kansas City, Missouri. And I consider myself to be like, an average woman, I work I have a dog, I have a child, I have a family. I have like, you know, normal priorities in life. And I don't have a you know, a super extravagant lifestyle, and I am very vulnerable and being real. And so all of my screw ups and things that I say and do, you know that I wish I could take back. I include all of that. Because at the heart of it, I just want other women and men to feel like it's relatable, and that they see themselves and a lot of the stuff that I've gone through because it is such a there's so many common threads through dating after divorce, especially after the age of 40 or 50. That it's it's not that much different from dating back when we were in high school or college, the feelings and emotions are all the same. The complications are just multiplied like by 1000, though,
Holly Shannon 28:32
yeah, well, because now that everybody's older, they have an out mean this negatively, but they have baggage, right. They have to like previous marriages, they have children they have maybe homes and jobs and different things. So it's not you know, it's not the same the emotions might be the same but all the stuff that circles around it is completely different. So it could either amplify and make the experience better or could annihilate it, I would believe Right? Absolutely. Absolutely. And you give us a little story like a little feel for something that's in the book that get people excited.
Stacie Wimer 29:09
Oh, sure. Been my very first Bumble experience is like chapter number one, and I call him detective Daniel Of course they all have nicknames and I give away like his occupation and his height and his you know what all of the all of the nitty gritty details. But it's funny, he like peppered me with questions through texting. It was January, it was cold. It was a Sunday when we met online, and I mean, rapid fire everything from like, what's your favorite color to like, deep, you know, thoughtful questions, and we just we texted for hours. And I thought gosh, is this what this is like? Does everybody do this? It's a good thing. My afternoon is free, you know,
Holly Shannon 29:56
like carpal tunnel by the end of the day. Yeah.
Stacie Wimer 29:58
And I had like stalked him. I mean, I try I wanted to meet him because I, it's I got on match.com and didn't post photos or make or make an account or anything. I just got on like as a voyeur, like just look to see like what men in my area. Yeah. And then Bumble and I was like, Oh, I know you are like you're the one I want to go out with. And so we had this good connection in texting. But I remember like the day of the date, I was getting my nails done, go figure. And I went back to my car. And he's like, can I call you? I'm like, Oh, sure. I mean, we'd spoken on the phone one other time. But I'm like, It's the day of the day. Is he going to cancel on me? Like, Why is he calling? And he goes, Are you sure you're ready to go out? Like, are you sure you're ready to date, I was not divorced yet. I was one of the people that I owe so much. Now. My divorce was not final. I was in no position to be trying to move into like another relationship. And he was relationship material. He was like he he kind of fit all of the things that I would look for in a long term relationship. This was not like fun guy, like, let's go out and get crazy. This was like a legitimate, like boyfriend material kind of guy. And he had every reason to ask that question of me. And of course, I was like, oh, no, I mean, yeah, I'm totally ready to go on a date. Like I wanted to go on a date so bad because, I mean, what I hadn't, I hadn't had lived alone or like Laney and I had been on our own for like seven months. And it felt like a long time. You know, it felt like a long time after eight years of marriage or whatever. Needless to say, it was a debacle. Like we we went, we spent time together like three different times. And it didn't go anywhere. And I like flubbed up one thing after another after another. But
Holly Shannon 31:54
the lesson I learned a lot, yeah, totally.
Stacie Wimer 31:57
I learned I learned a lot about just what it's like to meet someone online and then date in real life, I, I pretty well figured out he was probably dating other people I could eat by his behavior. A lot of interesting things happened with him. So it was a it was a good first learning experience. But I was so disappointed because I was like, I just shot my shot with like the best guy on Bumble in Kansas City now,
Holly Shannon 32:24
man, but you learned your lesson, which is something you share with other people like Don't be separated and start dating be divorced and start dating because it just does not work mentally. And it's it screws with your brain, right?
Stacie Wimer 32:41
It does it screws with your brain. And I was still like going through, you know, anger and ups and downs of of all of that. I think I was probably I was divorced, somewhat shortly after that, because I was in the winter and my divorce was final in February. So it must have been right after that. But still, like I wasn't in a good place at least to be trying to form develop a relationship. I honestly don't think distractions during a separation are that are that bad. I think there's some times necessary. But not to like try to try to form a real long lasting relationship. It's not a good time.
Holly Shannon 33:21
Yeah, that would be a good spot for the coffee meetup. Totally more a little bit friendzone ish. Like just feeling this owl and then like, you know, when you're ready, then you can call it for happy hour.
Stacie Wimer 33:34
Totally. And that is the advice I try to give now. And I try to live, I try to never date men who are separated. And I've fallen into that a couple of times. Because it's so it's so common. And it's oddly common for people to be separated for very long amounts of time. And so it's easy as a single person to get drawn, you know, drawn in like, oh, you know, it's nearly final. We've been at this for two years or whatever. And it's, it's never a great idea. But if you were to meet over coffee, and have a more platonic situation, and then like, hey, you know what, I'll probably still be here. Go figure your stuff out. Right? Which is another lesson to learn. Like, it's so funny how, when you're newly single or separated, it feels like especially with online dating, like people are gonna get snatched up, oh, my gosh, like, that person will not be around, you know, this time next.
Holly Shannon 34:31
Like, right if I don't take take this opportunity. It's so funny. You say that? Because all right, so you and I had talked when we were at our little happy hour, and I told you that I had dropped off a toxic friend fairly recently at that point. So much so that there was definitely some Bumble stories that she had to sort of drawn me into. And I didn't realize I was being drawn into the Rama, if you will, I remember. Yeah. But she had that scarcity mindset that you're talking about because she had invited me to come meet with her. She was she was moving. She was changing cities. She was going through her divorce. She hadn't been final yet. And she's like, Oh, I found this place this Airbnb I'm going to live at and I'm going to work in this new city. Why don't you come spend a few days with me. And we'll just, you know, check out the city, we'll check out this Airbnb, I'm going to live in blah, blah, blah. And she had gone on Bumble, and started that process prior to being divorced. And she was of, so she invited me but she didn't tell me she was doing this. And then and she wasn't technically going to be living in that city for another four months. So she was just basically a traveler. She was going there to check out the Airbnb, make sure it's a place she could live. And then she was going to do all the contracts. And then she'd moved there four months later. But she invited me in January in preparation for April is really what it was. And when I got there, she was like, oh, so I have this date. I'm going on a coffee date for like breakfast tomorrow morning. And then happy hour, the next night. And you know, I'm just gonna basically be doing cocktail hour, the next few nights everything. And I'm thinking shit, I flew down here to spend a few days with her to embark on like, what will be her next journey in life. And she's already jumping on the apps, and setting up all of these dates with people that live in a different city. But this talks to that scarcity mindset, you're you're talking about because she wasn't going to be there for another four months. I'm like, What the hell are you doing? Like, first of all, so every night, you're happy hour in with somebody else. So what am I supposed to be doing? Why did I even come so rude? She was so toxic. And and she was like, and her like passive aggressive side was like, Well, you just wait at the hotel, and I'll text you when we're done. And I'm like, I'm a big girl. I'm in the city. I'm gonna take myself out for cocktail hour. Thank you very much. Yes. But she had this mindset. And I'm like, why are you even like hooking up with these guys and going on a happy hour day or a coffee meet up or whatever. Because you're not back for four months. Like they're going to be on to other things, or they're going to be like, you know, now you're going to come back and four months later, they're going to want to, you know, hook up with you again, if you didn't like them, like, there's, there's so much wrong with that. I couldn't even begin. Yep, it was horrible.
Stacie Wimer 37:47
It's horrible. You were going for girl time and to be supportive at a at an you know, a transition point in her life. And she was just self absorbed with getting out and dating, which happens, a lot
Holly Shannon 38:01
happens. It's very interesting. Like, like, you were even saying, like, if I don't go out on a date with this guy that I found right now on Bumble, like, I'm not going to be able to meet him a month from now when probably mentally I'm really more ready to be meeting this person. Right?
Stacie Wimer 38:17
It's so true. It's so true. But those are great learnings. And you don't know sometimes until you experience some of it. It'd be interesting to know where that woman is in life now like if she you know, do you know? Like, did you but um,
Holly Shannon 38:31
yeah, I can't really go there. I like I said, she was she was toxic. She was passive aggressive, she is firmly out of my life. Now. I'm interesting that even as a woman who is not in her teens or 20s, or 30s or whatever, is still experiencing some of the crap I did back in high school, college and corporate.
Stacie Wimer 38:58
Oh, Holly, this is this is my world. This is Yeah,
Holly Shannon 39:01
it feels like so bad, right? Like women Hello. Like we need to support each other like there's enough yes shit out there happening in social media that will make you feel less than don't do it. Like if you actually can have connection with somebody and support and whatever. Like, don't, don't screw it up. Like don't. It's so hard. I will tell you I have gotten rid of all those fringe friends and I have like I could count on one hand right now who some of my closest peeps are. And it's it's enough. It's all that you need. Because as soon as you bring in people who really aren't in it to win it with you. They they suck the life out of you. They really do.
Stacie Wimer 39:55
I talk about this with my close girlfriends a lot and I completely agree with I completely agree, especially at this point in your life, when your time is kind of, you know, it's hard to make time. And if you're going to make time out of your life to spend it with other people, hopefully, it's a very mutually fulfilling, and very balanced situation. And I, I definitely understand and it is just all too common the story of your friend, it's so it's such typical behavior that people revert back to like who they were like the whole sowing your wild oats, and it's real. And some people do it for years after the divorce. That combined with the behavior of immediately getting remarried, or in a serious relationship, the most common, the most uncommon, honestly, is where I'm at. Like, I don't date a ton, I'm open hearted, I not scorned or bitter, I'm, I would love to meet the next love of my life. But it'll happen, you know, I'm not in a rush. And like, it takes a long time to get to the point where I'm at, it's been three years, you know, and if this feels different, where I'm at right now than it did six months ago, or a year ago, it's just this weird evolution and I'm down for it, like I'm playing the long game,
Holly Shannon 41:14
I'm guide, I think that's awesome. But to to have allowed that time to get to this place, you sound so clear, like you, you really understand who you are, and what you want, and what you're not going to deal with. And I think a lot of people compromise along the way, because they feel like, well, I'm single, I'm of a certain age, there's not a lot out there. If I don't move fast, you know, these guys are dating younger girls, so I'm gonna miss my opportunity, you know, whatever. Like, I guess if you really set yourself up with that mindset, then you're going to feel anxious all the time, and you're not going to get it right. And it sounds like you've moved past all of that. So
Stacie Wimer 41:57
much of it good place. So much of it is so superficial, especially with online dating, you're making decisions based on what people look like, for the most part, you know, and it's in, you know, social media, same thing, it's like, you're just kind of seeing just the highlight reel, or the best facets of somebody's life or whatever. So it is very hard to strike. Like, a real understanding of who a person is. Unless you're set up with someone or you know, someone from your past or your your friendship circles, or whatever it is, it's very challenging. So I hate I try very hard to not be judgey of how, how men and women, you know, make their decisions so far as dating or engagements or whatever, that I do find myself very frequently having conversations with men and women, reminding them of how great they are, and how they should not lower their expectations of a partner. Period, end of story. Because a lot of the times I'll say, Okay, look like I have this friend all I don't know, I'll call her Janelle Right. And like Janelle, you're fantastic. You have the greatest heart you have a great career, you're you have two beautiful children that they're almost off to school, she's worried about, like her financial situation isn't exactly where she wishes it would be she's, she feels a little bit of shame because of it. She is one of the funniest women I've ever hung out with. She is just great support system, I could go on and on. And she was telling me about how another one of her friends was like, You got to stop being so picky. You know, you need to start like just kind of take what you can get. Know, that is horrible advice, like you are deserving of what you're looking for. Don't settle for, I mean, if you exist, a great guy who was a match also exists. I mean, if I'm out here pretty well, you know, he on a healing process and pretty well, at a good point in my life and happy, you know, as an individual, then I will I will meet a man who is similar, you know, in that at some point to
Holly Shannon 44:06
it's that law of attraction, right? Right. But what a what a gift that you take it upon yourself to really let people know what their worth is. I think when too much time has gone by, you know, getting the right day or just finding people in general. You feel like you need to compromise and I think you're right. I think that advice that your friend gave Janelle was terrible advice, because why shouldn't she hold a high standard she holds a high standard for herself, and probably for her children. And so why should she compromise? I agree with you. I'm glad you're that type of friend and that you're spreading that and you're probably spreading that through the podcast, which is why people should listen. But I feel like your truth lives in that book. So I'm going to push thing behind here to keep doing that book because I feel like so many people are gonna relate to it and, and we definitely, maybe what we'll do is we'll have you back on when you launch that. Or, or maybe when you're in the area we can do like yeah, and we'll have like a coffee, coffee wine book party something of some sort. And it's very high society actually like in Paris and Italy they would have Cafe parties, you know, coffee parts where people would gather and, you know, Literary minds and visionaries and have great conversations and connection. Yes. We're gonna create,
Stacie Wimer 45:42
I can see myself.
Holly Shannon 45:46
We're gonna create a whole new genre, I feel it, I feel that we're gonna we're gonna bring the 1700s back or 1800s and down,
Stacie Wimer 45:53
down.
Holly Shannon 45:55
Stacey, this
Stacie Wimer 45:56
is so great.
Holly Shannon 45:57
Thank you for coming on my show.
Stacie Wimer 46:00
It's Thank you for having me. This is fun conversation. And I love I love chatting with you, because I learned a lot from you. So thank you.
Holly Shannon 46:09
Oh, I really appreciate that. Well, I I enjoy the connection that we have made. And I think what's a gift to be able to share that with other people when people see this? They see how women can really enjoy each other and empower each other and lift each other up then they know what to emulate. Right?
Stacie Wimer 46:30
Absolutely. It's a great example great example of a professional creative turned very personal friendship to Yeah,
Holly Shannon 46:39
I love that. So I'm gonna tell people please go on YouTube. Follow Holly Shannon for coffee culture and go follow Stacy when man shopping. It's man shopping by Stacey right it man shopping with stay with Stacy. Sorry. Wherever you get your podcast fix, you could go on there. And if she takes a little bit of a break, it's because she's working on her book. But don't stop listening. Just keep sharing. That's what we're gonna do. Right. There's
Stacie Wimer 47:08
plenty of content there. It'll take you a long time to get through all of it.
Holly Shannon 47:12
Excellent. Thank you, Stacy. This is great.
Stacie Wimer 47:15
Thank you, Holly. I appreciate that.
Holly Shannon 47:21
Would you like to join the party coffee lovers, I have two ways for you. Please go over to YouTube now and subscribe to add Holly Shannon, and there'll be all the videos of this podcast there as well. What's the second way you can do that? You can leave a review with your ideas in Apple podcasts. Either way, I would love it if you share a hot cup of connection and coffee culture with a friend. And if you'd like to support this in the podcaster you can buy me a coffee the link is in the show notes. Thank you coffee lovers
this season is produced by pale blue studios